Tag: journal

A Shoulder…

When a friend is in need, sometimes all you need to do is listen, and show support. I try to do that with my wife and my friends. I might not always do the right thing, I try my hardest to make it so.

Today was that day. My friend (and my crush) was not having a good day. So I ended up just snuggling up with her. We talked a bit, and at the end we made out. It was getting a bit hot, but we ended up slowing down a bit. Just those few moments helped her feel better. I might not have solved her issues, but I made sure she knew that I can be a shoulder for her in times of need. I think also having Anni away was not helping, but our hearts where a bit empty without the woman we love here. Being with her reminds me of Anni and it warms my heart. We both miss her so much, and can’t wait to have her back in our arms.

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My beautiful wife and best friend

She is my friend and I want to be there for her.

 

-Psyiah Nalani♥

The Feelings Within Pt. 3

I felt lost, drowning in the “darkness” that surrounded me…

The air I breathed was dense, and hard to see through…

But my will is strong…

I am strong…

To return to her, to fight for her…

I will not let this defeat me…

I will prevail over the feelings within…

I will fight through this, to push through the “darkness”…

For I am no longer drowning…

I have found my way and can see my path ahead…

I can breath once more…

For she is my beacon of light…

I will win against the feelings within…

-Psyiah Nalani “Defender of my Love”

The Feelings Within Pt. 2

Upon returning from my trips, my training sessions, I feel like an outsider coming back to an new environment. Like something was missing to this world… And it is me.

I hear stories, and things that I missed. I laugh, smile, and,enjoy the catching up. I hear about what happened and what did I miss.

But then… That dreaded feeling comes back… The feeling of the previous chapter not connecting to the one I am on. I feel a bit lost, confused, and scared…

I dread this feeling, I do not like it, but it is always there… Looming its dark and evil head around each corner. It hides and waits for it to see that I am not paying attention, then it attacks.

The feelings within are always going to be there, always going to haunt me. But I recently found I have more power… More power than the darkness leads me to believe.

I have the power of love.

I found it useful and noticing how it can make those dark feelings go away… Just for a little while at least.

I will continue to fight these feelings, each time I leave and when I come back, but I now, know what connects the chapters together… And that is love.

The feelings within… My heart will keep me moving forward, and not giving up.

I love her…

-Psyiah Nalani

The Feelings Within Pt. 1

Dear Diary,

This weekend was utter shit. Being dragged away to conduct training has been exhausting…

I just sit here so tired, but yet, why do I feel as if I have gone no where? Why do I feel as if my trip just had me going somewhere so far, but yet I feel it accomplished nothing…

It is like my whole world pauses and I feel like I am removed from my routine, my daily habits, my friends, and my wife. As if someone is writing a story, a book, and a whole chapter of that book is just not written. But the story continues and one could becomes lost upon reading again…

I do not like leaving as if I feel sick, lonely, lost, and confused. I don’t like this feeling, I don’t want someone to read this book and at the end, it does not make sense… As if the chapters don’t connect and the reader becomes lost.

I don’t want this story to be forgotten, to be discarded…

I am tired diary, I am tired and a bit scared…

I don’t like this feeling… My feelings within…

-A scared Psyiah

My Motivation…

Well, it is time to leave for some needed training. I will be away from my wife and my friends, but there is one thing that I know what will remain true and constant…

She will be there when I get back.

My heart remains full of love, full of happiness as I leave. My mind will be busy as I will be missing her and thinking about her. She is my world, my everything. She is my motivation, my “umph” to give that extra mile, that voice in my head that shouts “get up! Get up! Keep going!”

I do this for her, for her protection, for my love of her.

I will not quit.

I will not give up.

I will not be defeated.

I will succeed!

I will win!

I will return to her!

She is my motivation.

Do you have yours?

-Psyiah Nalani