The Feelings Within Pt. 3

I felt lost, drowning in the “darkness” that surrounded me

The air I breathed was dense, and hard to see through

But my will is strong…

I am strong

To return to her, to fight for her…

I will not let this defeat me…

I will prevail over the feelings within…

I will fight through this, to push through the “darkness”…

For I am no longer drowning…

I have found my way and can see my path ahead…

I can breath once more…

For she is my beacon of light…

I will win against the feelings within…

-Psyiah Nalani “Defender of my Love”

The Feelings Within Pt. 2

Upon returning from my trips, my training sessions, I feel like an outsider coming back to an new environment. Like something was missing to this world… And it is me.

I hear stories, and things that I missed. I laugh, smile, and,enjoy the catching up. I hear about what happened and what did I miss.

But then… That dreaded feeling comes back… The feeling of the previous chapter not connecting to the one I am on. I feel a bit lost, confused, and scared…

I dread this feeling, I do not like it, but it is always there… Looming its dark and evil head around each corner. It hides and waits for it to see that I am not paying attention, then it attacks.

The feelings within are always going to be there, always going to haunt me. But I recently found I have more power… More power than the darkness leads me to believe.

I have the power of love.

I found it useful and noticing how it can make those dark feelings go away… Just for a little while at least.

I will continue to fight these feelings, each time I leave and when I come back, but I now, know what connects the chapters together… And that is love.

The feelings within… My heart will keep me moving forward, and not giving up.

I love her…

-Psyiah Nalani

The Feelings Within Pt. 1

Dear Diary,

This weekend was utter shit. Being dragged away to conduct training has been exhausting…

I just sit here so tired, but yet, why do I feel as if I have gone no where? Why do I feel as if my trip just had me going somewhere so far, but yet I feel it accomplished nothing…

It is like my whole world pauses and I feel like I am removed from my routine, my daily habits, my friends, and my wife. As if someone is writing a story, a book, and a whole chapter of that book is just not written. But the story continues and one could becomes lost upon reading again…

I do not like leaving as if I feel sick, lonely, lost, and confused. I don’t like this feeling, I don’t want someone to read this book and at the end, it does not make sense… As if the chapters don’t connect and the reader becomes lost.

I don’t want this story to be forgotten, to be discarded…

I am tired diary, I am tired and a bit scared…

I don’t like this feeling… My feelings within…

-A scared Psyiah