The Feelings Within Pt. 3

I felt lost, drowning in the “darkness” that surrounded me

The air I breathed was dense, and hard to see through

But my will is strong…

I am strong

To return to her, to fight for her…

I will not let this defeat me…

I will prevail over the feelings within…

I will fight through this, to push through the “darkness”…

For I am no longer drowning…

I have found my way and can see my path ahead…

I can breath once more…

For she is my beacon of light…

I will win against the feelings within…

-Psyiah Nalani “Defender of my Love”

My Motivation…

Well, it is time to leave for some needed training. I will be away from my wife and my friends, but there is one thing that I know what will remain true and constant…

She will be there when I get back.

My heart remains full of love, full of happiness as I leave. My mind will be busy as I will be missing her and thinking about her. She is my world, my everything. She is my motivation, my “umph” to give that extra mile, that voice in my head that shouts “get up! Get up! Keep going!”

I do this for her, for her protection, for my love of her.

I will not quit.

I will not give up.

I will not be defeated.

I will succeed!

I will win!

I will return to her!

She is my motivation.

Do you have yours?

-Psyiah Nalani

1 Year Anniversary

It is amazing how one year passes by so quickly. So much has happened, so much is yet to come. Taking time to reflect on what has happened is important, to see how far one has come, how many adventures have passed and how much is yet to be explored.

When I first met Annimae, it was just be curiosity. She was a cute and flirtatious girl just eager to meet new people. I saw some of her pictures and just felt the need to comment on them. They stood out to me on her taking her time to pose, and get the picture just right. I felt a bit envious of her skill. So, I said something.

She then whispered me on a private message and it gave me butterflies. It was so odd, just some new girl I met, I didn’t really know anything about, yet… I was so nervous around her. She teased me, but I held back and denied her flirty advances. I blushed and just felt so flattered that she enjoyed… well me!

After sometime and some gray area not worth mentioning… I found myself unable to stop thinking about her. We kept talking and met up here and there. Although the meet ups where not really to talk, hehehe. Ugh… I am getting butterflies just thinking this! Hehe! So eventually I decided to move to her realm as I found myself lost and… frankly the attention was nice. She was sweet, but yet to helpful too. As soon I arrived, she helped get an apartment for me! I hung out at her place, and gods she was so beautiful. I could not keep my eyes off of her, but we ended the night just talking.

Days turned into weeks and I could not stop thinking about her. My days where lost… just day dreaming about my new friend. I finally ended up having her over at my apartment. And she snuggled with me. Oh gods.. It was so.. I was such a nervous wreck! Eventually she had to go, as some things prevented her from going forward, and I respected that. I didn’t want to cause issues that where brewing in the background.

Every day I thought about her, just fantasizing about her. She could not get out of my head. Eventually, our friendship took a new turn. I wanted her, but could not have her… until one day she came to me, brokenhearted and sad. I comforted her and placed her feelings above my own. I needed to be there for her, I needed to make sure she knew that I would always be her support.

From there, things moved forward and I proposed to her. It was a special night, and I was beyond nervous, I mean she had been my girlfriend for a while now and I wanted her to make sure she knew that I loved her so much, that I wanted to be bonded with her. She said yes, and that day was the happiest day of my life, and won’t ever forget it. December 9th.

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Then, came the day I have been waiting for since I proposed to her… our wedding, January 20th. I married my best friend. I married my lover, I married someone who would always have my back, my best interest, my support, my love, my dedication, and a girl who just loves me for who I am, a silly playful kitten. My heart pounds just writing this, it pounds of the reminder of her love, of the feeling I felt at that alter.. saying those words I will never forget, never question, never hesitate to say again, and again…

I do.

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I sit there, thinking how one year has passed since that day, and I can’t help by cry in joy. Cry how this wonderful life I have with her, is real. It is not fake, not some fling.. not some habit.. but oh so real… I love her, I love her so much beyond anything I can even write on here. My life with her has been a dream come true. True happiness that I can’t ever begin to express without crying and saying the words that I will never take for granted…

I love you Annimae Nalani.. now, forever, and always.

 

-Your wife