Dreading…

Dear Diary,

I feel an uneasiness in my heart… a sadness if you will. I try not to let it bug me, but I feel it looms over me. I am not wanting think about it, but it is everywhere I go, as it is inevitable.

I do not want this… but it has to be done.

I do not like this… but liking it makes no difference.

The days are short, and the time ticking down.

I don’t want to go…

-Psy

A Letter, My Wife, Closure

I arrived home today, it was a usual day, as far as usual can go.  Psyiah had been away fighting in a war when she was caught up in a terrible storm.  She returned home to me eventually but the very next morning after her return, she disappeared.  I was well into month two without my wife.  I had come to accept my new life, alone, my wife no where to be found.  She had disappeared, without a trace.  A few weeks had passed since her disappearance.

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Upon climbing the steps, leading to my front yard, I noticed I had mail.  “Probably bills,” I said to myself as I opened the mailbox.  What I found inside brought me to my knees…there was a letter, from Psyiah.

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“Could it be!?  Could my wife really be alive!?”  The thoughts raced through my head.  I knelt in the grass and cried to the gods.  “Oh please let this really be from her. Let her be at the chapel waiting for me! Oh gods PLEASE!”, I cried out into the night.  I summoned my fastest steed and rode like my life depended on it, leaving the city of Mist behind me.

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As I approached the chapel I slowed down and dismounted.  A figure sat in front, shrouded in darkness.  I approached slowly, the shape seemed familiar yet also different.  “Psy…..Psyiah?”, I spoke softly and with uncertainty.

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I thought I heard her speak to the butterfly on her shoulder.  If it was Psyiah, the butterfly was a gift I had given her months before.  Slowly the stranger stood up and turned to face me.  I gasped as I saw a face I didn’t recognize; but the eyes… they stood out.  She spoke, “hi Anni.”

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It was Psyiah!  I began crying with joy and ran to her.  I threw myself into her body and wrapped my arms around her.  I sobbed into her shoulder and she, into mine.

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Reluctantly she lifted her hood and exposed her new form to me.  We both wept.  She was filled with the fear of what I might think of her while I was filled with mixed emotions from seeing her new form and from her disappearance.

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Not much was said and many tears where shed.

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She appeared weary and tired.  I helped her climb onto my chocobo and took her home.

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The sun now up, I could better see her new body and shape.  Her new hair, skin and…..scales.  Slowly I undressed her.  Her skin was dirty.  Patches of dust, dirt and dried blood could be seen here and there.  Her clothing was not entirely her own, it was battered and worn.

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I saw her bare back, marked with bruises and scars.  She had been beaten.  She explained how she had been abducted and put into a dungeon.  She knew not who her captors were but they were skilled.  No less than three times had the authorities scoured our property, after her disappearance.  Not once did they ever find an indication of foul play; leaving me to believe she had left me.  I broke down crying again, seeing her home and beaten broke my heart.

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I finished undressing her and pulled her naked body into mine.  I held her in my arms as we cried and cried and cried.

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She began explaining her treatment and how she had become her new self.  Her captors, desiring to dismantle our combined strength had set out to divide us.  They forced her to drink a foul potion.  Over the course of a few weeks her body transformed into that of an Aura.

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‘They sought to separate us.” Psyiah explained.  Thinking no one, including myself, would want her now, with her scaly body and horns.  I looked into her eyes, “they were wrong.”.  I drew a bath.  Gently I washed the dust and blood from her sore body.  Without her notorious feline healing powers, she was taking longer to recover from her treatment while imprisoned.

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After bathing her, I held her in my arms and embraced her.  She wept and whispered in my ear, “I am home…”.  I squeezed her tighter, still crying, I whispered back:

“I am whole.”

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When you love someone that love transcends all.  Nothing can separate you or take you down.  Those who mean to bring an end to your love know not of the power of true love.

There is no force in the entire universe stronger than that of true love.

Go to your loved ones, share our story and let them know of the power of love, tell them of the gift you give to them and hold them in your arms.

Some Alone Time

I gripped the new toy, a glass dildo, in my hand. Any desire to have pleasure in my life was gone.

I had just gotten home from work.  Knowing I would be spending another evening alone, I made a stop on the way home.  I set down my things and ate the meal my house steward had made for me.  I bathed and slipped into a soft, sheer nightie.  The evening air was crisp. I sniffed the breeze as it squeezed through a partially open window.  Fall was approaching and its all too familiar scent was present.  I dimmed the lights and climbed onto my bed.  I had a small brown paper bag with me.  Inside was the toy I had purchased earlier.

I sat on the bed and looked out the window at the stars.  Somewhere out there was my wife.  She hadn’t been around for a while now.  She was caught up in a bad storm in eastern Hydalen but that had passed and she had come home.  I was over joyed when I saw her; collapsing onto the floor with joy and disbelief.  Alas she was exhausted from her trip so we had gone right to bed.  When I woke in the morning she was gone.  No note, no word, nothing.  I have no idea where she went, where she is or when I will see her again.  Heck, I don’t even know if I will see her again.  That evening, I wept.  Never before had I shed tears like I did that night.  The love of my life was gone.  The very reason I wake in the morning, the reason my heart beats, the reason I live.  Gone.

I looked down at the glass toy I now held in my hand.  Tears ran down my cheeks and peppered the comforter.  “Is this my future?” I thought to myself.  “Where do I go from here? How do I move forward?”  I left the toy on the bed, between my legs and lay on my back.  I looked up at the ceiling, both hands on my heart.  I blamed myself for her disappearance.  I must have done something to make her leave me.  The local authorities confirmed over and over, there was no evidence of struggle.  No reason to believe abduction was the cause.  She had left me on her own accord.  Maybe she had met someone better than me?  Maybe she had gotten in trouble with foreign law while caught up in the storm.  Maybe she was just tired or bored of life with me and needed a change.  Maybe she felt the spark was gone; instead of talking with me she took the easy road and just bailed.

I rolled over and screamed into my pillow.  I pounded the bed with my fists.  My emotions were deep and strong.  I was angry at everything, the gods, the local authorities, my wife and myself.  Everything I lived for was suddenly removed from my life and I had no say in the matter.  My fate was decided for me.  I would live alone, with out my wife Psyiah, and I would have to deal with it.

My friends supported me as I told them of my woes, Tauri, Auri, Kini, Gilly and others.  I cried on their shoulders while they held me.  My work suffered.  My productivity had dropped considerably and I was afraid the elders might catch on.  Some mornings I would arrive at the Astrolab and cry for hours before being able to do anything.  Evenings were just as lonely.  This evening was no exception.

I gripped the new toy, a glass dildo, in my hand.  Any desire to have pleasure in my life was gone.  Angrily, I threw it at the window.  The pane shattered of course, shards of glass rained down onto the floor.  I turned over and cried.  I know not what time I eventually fell asleep.  All I remember is laying there and thinking of all the wonderful memories we had together.  All the joyous times we had and how I would no longer experience them. Never. Ever. Again.